fearlessly proclaiming the truth & the other truth! voice of the teknoshamanic institute
Hot Enough? Had Enough? Let's ROLL!
Published on July 6, 2007 By kingbee In Politics

i dunno if you've recently seen one of those color-coded national weather maps so i'm posting one captured within the past hour. 

as you can see, the whole damn country is hot as hell.  wouldn't surprise me if areas shown in that scary purplish color aren't, in fact, official hell remote locations. 

i don't recall from past summers seeing this sorta map totally saturated in orange, red and beyond (not that i can recall ever actually or intentionally focusing any attention on them in the past).  i'm pretty sure there were a couple places in green or yellow, one of which would have been the famously frigid outpost of frostbite falls, mn.

hot as it's been, my blood didn't begin to boil until i learned what's behind this attack on our climate.  it's something called the jet stream.  i'm not gonna try to explain it except to point out two things: 

1.  it's the same old science crap with a new name so i'm not gonna waste any of my time tryin to figure it out and i'd advise yall to do the same.

2.  what it's supposed to do is send cool air down to us from canada so we don't wind up sweatin our asses off down here. 

as you can see from this map (created a few seconds after the first one) it ain't doin like it should. something--or someone--has altered the jet stream course causing it to remain on the other side of the border hovering high above the heads of our so-called neighbors to the north. 

invisible to the untrained eye, the stream is like a real stream and if the flow is blocked--as it is now--we suffer.

so who's doin this to us?   seems obvious to me as i'm sure it does everyone who truly cherishes free cool air and firmly believes america was never intended to be some sorta equatorial sweatbox.

bottom line, it don't matter. evildoers are evildoers.

what we should be askin ourselves is when are we gonna get outta the hot seat, take this off the back burner and put things back the way they were?  it's a no-brainer this time for real.  we can easily assemble an experienced team of strategists (for instance, wolfowitz, rummy & libby are presently underutilized).  best of all, we don't need to capture or hold anything tangible so we  can get 'er done with very few boots on the ground

without giving anything more away, this mission would seem to require only a few planes, some precisely configured  tactical nuclear weather tweaking devices and a willingness to take back what has always been rightfully ours.  no need to over think this one because it's pure technology (hell..think about all those films in which scientists easily modified natural forces like weather, triumphing even though they were all actors, not scientists; with real geeks how can we possibly fail?)

as far as foreign policy goes, we have established historical precedent on our side.  who hasn't heard of '54-40 or fight'? all that's required is a lil reviving and revising.  instead of latitude and longitude, this time we're talkin temperature.  none of that homo centigrade stuff of course.  just good ol homemade fahrenheit.

anyone gives us any shit, we can use that badly aging hippie punk bob zimmerman's own milktoast lyric to shut em up.

we don't need a weatherman to tell which way it's blowin.
 


Comments (Page 1)
2 Pages1 2 
on Jul 06, 2007
I blame Al Gore. It's like not going to the doctor. You don't go to the doctor and you're fine. Then one of them gets their hands on you, and you end up with 40 prescriptions (just ask Al pt.3), 27 complexes, and are dead within 6 months. We'd all be fine if Al had kept his trap shut.

It's him or Viagra. The American obsession with Viagra and the amount of it floating about may be causing everything to rise, including temperatures and the infamous Jet Stream.

Hey, maybe we can get corporate sponsorship for that thing. The Jet Blue Stream sounds catchy, with the added benefits that it will quickly drop and we won't have to worry about it going anywhere ever again.
on Jul 06, 2007
I think it is called summer.
on Jul 07, 2007
I blame Canada. They clearly have a weather control machine.
on Jul 07, 2007
I blame Canada. They clearly have a weather control machine.


exactly my point!

on Jul 09, 2007
It's summer, and it's hot. Hmmm, there must be something wrong with the weather.
on Jul 09, 2007
Just more evidence of Mother Natures generations long war against the human race! Just as I said before, it's Time For Us To Fight Back!
on Jul 12, 2007
You don't think there's a chance you guys are paranoid...or maybe just overreacting a little to a natural occurrence? Has it occured to any of you that Mother Nature isn't as young as she used to be and that she's just having some major hot flashes?
on Jul 12, 2007
haven't you heard it is happening because the USA didn't sign that treaty
on Jul 12, 2007
(Inserting appropriate South Park lyrics here):

Sheila: Times have changed
Our kids are getting worse
They won't obey their parents
They just want to fart and curse!
Sharon: Should we blame the government?
Liane: Or blame society?
Dads: Or should we blame the images on TV?
Sheila: No, blame Canada
Everyone: Blame Canada
Sheila: With all their beady little eyes
And flapping heads so full of lies
Everyone: Blame Canada
Blame Canada
Sheila: We need to form a full assault
Everyone: It's Canada's fault!
Sharon: Don't blame me
For my son Stan
He saw the damn cartoon
And now he's off to join the Klan!
Liane: And my boy Eric once
Had my picture on his shelf
But now when I see him he tells me to fuck myself!
Sheila: Well, blame Canada
Everyone: Blame Canada
Sheila: It seems that everything's gone wrong
Since Canada came along
Everyone: Blame Canada
Blame Canada
Copy Guy: They're not even a real country anyway
Ms. McCormick: My son could've been a doctor or a lawyer rich and true,
Instead he burned up like a piggy on the barbecue
Everyone: Should we blame the matches?
Should we blame the fire?
Or the doctors who allowed him to expire?
Sheila: heck no!
Everyone: Blame Canada
Blame Canada
Sheila: With all their hockey hullabaloo
Liane: And that bitch Anne Murray too
Everyone: Blame Canada
Shame on Canada
For...
The smut we must stop
The trash we must bash
The Laughter and fun
Must all be undone
We must blame them and cause a fuss
Before somebody thinks of blaming uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuus!!!!

SABAZZ!
on Jul 12, 2007

The Jet Blue Stream sounds catchy, with the added benefits that it will quickly drop and we won't have to worry about it going anywhere ever again.

you could--and should--be sellin stuff like this.  way too funny!

on Jul 12, 2007

I think it is called summer
--dr guy

It's summer, and it's hot
--charlescs1

yeah...and the british weren't on their way to lexington either.  it was just spring

on Jul 12, 2007
He's got a great idea, Gene. Corporate sponsorship for weather phenomena's great!

We could start off next year with Hurricanes Alka-Seltzer, Buick, and Chevrolet. And who wouldn't pay attention when the Monroe Shock Absorbers earthquake hits Southern Cali? This is the next idea Madison Ave. could be jumping on, and it could all start with you!
on Jul 12, 2007

more evidence of Mother Natures generations long war against the human race!

so what you're sayin is canadians are lots more different to us than has already been suspected???

on Jul 12, 2007
By the way, kingbee, (on a serious vein), I was looking at the map and I believe they deliberately modified the color schemes to exaggerate the effects. 70 merits RED? Come on!

Yes, we are in a warming trend right now (although I am with those who question how much of it is caused by humans), but changing the map color to further a political agenda is pretty disgusting, if you ask me.

Of course, noone ASKED. But why should I let THAT stop me? LOL!
on Jul 12, 2007
You don't think there's a chance you guys are paranoid


where did you hear that???

seriously. someone's talkin about us again.
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