asserting the naval base at guantanamo, cuba isn't legally 'american soil' is such an outrageous reversal of realty  it aint difficult for me to imagine those who first conceived the scam buying into it themselves. 

thing is, you can hire wolfgang puck to make a pie outta mooseshit and, a great chef like puck may be able to whip  up something that looks and smells just like boysenberry.   sooner or later, though, all but your most gullible guests are gonna realize you're serving em mooseshit..

for over 100 years, we've been leasing 45 square miles of cuban territory for the express and limited purpose of using it as a naval refueling station.  it's an unusual lease in that we extorted it --with the complicity of an american citizen who served as the first president of cuba--by means of a rider to the us army appropriations bill of 1901 which came to be known as the platt agreement.

platt required cuba to lease guantanmo to the us in perpetuity.  it also required cuba to incorporate the platt agreement  into the new cuban  constitution.  until both provisions were fulfilled, the platt agreement ordered the us military to continue occupying  and controling cuba..   

think about that for a second.  we invaded cuba to depose a tyrant.   determined  to promote democracy & freedom afterwards. we required the new cuban government to draw up a constitution. not just any constitution tho. their constitution must not only consist of all that usual constitutional stuff.  it's also gotta  include the sacred text of a rider to an otherwise totally forgettable us congressional appropriations bill. (if you're an iraqi, don't read this paragraph; if you do read it despite my warning, hey...any similarities you may notice are prolly just coincidental.)

one needn't  be a paralegal or to have lived in rental housing to appreciate some of the basics of a property lease. thanks to television, you know if the cops bust your door down and find drugs under the bed,  your landlord ain't gonna be goin to jail no matter how adamantly you insist  the stuff was found on 'his soil'.

so why maintain the charade?   we can--and should--move them detainees outta cuba and onto the much more secure heart of the usa.where there's 0 chance theyll be able to escape,  jump off a cliff and swim back to the mid-east..

i know a place that would be perfect even tho it's barely  035% the size of gitmo.  shouldn't be a problem tho since detaining prisoners really don't require drydocks and all the other crap you find on a naval base.  there will need to be some improvements--buildings, bunks, etc, a fence, some guard towers, a lotta razorwire--and it's gonna be a job puttin everything together 

that's why god gave us kellog, brown & root.

they've done a lotta work on the detention facilities in guantanamo since 2000,when kbr was selected to  build  two excellent camps, capable of housing 816 terrorists  (amazing how someone anticipated a need for em back in 2000 huh?).   in return for its efforts on our behalf,  kbr charged us nearly 100 million bucks.   a bit pricey?  well, the two newest prisons in california cost between more than 400 million bucks to construct so a mill is a bargain.  or it would be if guantanamo held anywhere near the 7000 inmates whom those two california prisons are designed to house. 

i'm sure some will find it upsetting that the government didn't select a better contractor.  after all, dick cheney was ceo of halliburton when the contract was awarded.    there's good news for yall (and it aint that i saved a buncha money on my car insurance by switching to geico): kbr IS halliburton.  if the detainees are transferred, i'm sure kbr will be much less expensive.  unless, it turns out that building a detention camp here really is completely unlike building one in cuba.

rather than getting hung up on silly stuff like money, lemme describe to you some of the features and benefits unique to my suggested relocation location.

first of all, it's in texas--a state that takes no crap from criminals which is what terrorists are.  don't get the wrong idea tho.   this isn't about breaking these men.  or not 100% anyway.  it's also about putting them in a place where they can see for themselves the difference between their evildoers culture in contrast to the yellow roses and lone stars of texas.

even the name of the site is gonna prove helpful.   prairie chapel ranch.

sounds a LOT like little house on the prairie don't it? 

ranches evoke a much more positive image than detention centers, of course.  they also have lots of chores needing doing.  the head honcho at this ranch ain't much on work unless he's having his picture taken..and i'm sure he'd welcome 1048 (give or take a few) helping hands.  if we learned anything from the texas penal farm system it's this: given enuff hard farm work, even the meanest ol boy eventually comes around.  do this now and by the time 2015 rolls around, im guessing the citizens of crawford, texas will have taken muhammed or hrakim or whatever their names are to heart and vice versa. 

wouldnt surprise me a bit to learn  the band playin over to one of them joints accrost the  line from the dry county in which both crawford and the  prairie chapel ranch are situated was none other than  'allah wills & the jihadi playboys'