this is the city.  washington, dc.

named after our first president, george washington,  it's the country's capitol and seat of government power.

a lot of people live and work in dc.  some are famous movers and shakers. others are anonymous cogs in the bureaucrat machine.   the majority are honest, hard-working citizens.  mixed among them are others willing to go to any length to get what they want...senators, members of congress, appointees, political consultants,fake members of the press. 

you could say those are my consituents.  when they decide they're above the law, it's my job to bring them to justice.

my name is friday.  i carry a badge.

monday, february 14th was a chilly day in dc.  we were working the daywatch, assigned to the white house press room.   my partner was jeff gannon.  the skipper was scott mclellan.  his skipper is george w. bush. 

we'd just gone on duty when we received a report of a 269 in progress: gay prostitute disguised as legitimate member of the media.  we advised the dispatcher we were enroute to the scene, code 3. 

"i don't know, joe,"  gannon said as we raced towards the whitehouse.  "this same-sex marriage thing is just bad for business."  

that's the kind of guy my partner is.  right-thinking.

"oh yeah?  what kinda business would that be gannon?" 

"well, let's say you had a gay escort business.  if gay men were married, they might be more monogamous."

"yeah, suppose so." 

"well that's my point.  we cant have that happening."

we arrived at the scene.  the suspect was nowhere around but there was a group of journalists, whining with outrage.  like nearly 99.9% of the press, they were all democrats and lefties.  gannon offered to canvas karl rove's office so we split up.  i'd handle the loonies.

the media people were all trying to talk at once.

'you"  i motioned to one guy who looked like he might be capable of telling a story. "what's goin on here?"

"a guy named james guckert has been pretending to be one of us", the witness began, but i stopped him there.

"just the facts, man.  just the facts."

i learned this guckert guy had been very busy.  using 'day passes' to get around a normal security clearance, he'd been attending briefings for several years, claiming he worked for talon news service and carrying volunteer credentials from gopusa.  in addition to hosting rich conservative gay guys and hooking up with clients thru his his websites--hotmilitarystud.com and workingboys.net among them--he also hosted his own radio show.

these crazy pinko reporters also alleged guckert--when he wasnt otherwise occupied or tossing softball questions to the  whitehouse press secretary--had been involved in character assasination in south dakota.

according to dotty lynch, cbs political editor:

"Daschle opponent John Thune's campaign manager was Dick Wadham, an old political crony of Karl Rove's; the kind of pal Rove could ask to hire his first cousin, John Wood, a few years back. Wadham put the bloggers on the campaign payroll and the symbiotic relationship between the campaign, the bloggers and "reporter" Gannon” continued. On September 29, Gannon broke the story that Daschle had claimed a special tax exemption for a house in Washington and the bloggers jumped all over it. According to a November 17 posting on South Dakota Politics – a site that Van Beek, who has become a staffer for now-Sen. Thune, has bequeathed to Lauck – "Jeff Gannon, whose reportage had a dramatic impact on the Daschle v. Thune race (his story about Sen. Daschle signing a legal document claiming to be a D.C. resident was published nearly the same day Thune began to run an ad showing Daschle saying, "I'm a D.C. resident) has written an analysis of the debacle."

i'm all for facts, but this was beginning to confuse me.  luckily i saw some swiftboatvetsfortruth standing around.  knowing i could depend on them for the facts, i told the libs to stop agitating and shove off.

"hiya sgt joe," one of the swiftboat guys saluted me.  "you been assigned to this guckert case?"

i told him i had and asked what they knew.

"it's the same old crap, joe.  these flipflopping leftwing liars are demonstrating they dont have any moral values again by harrassing a  homosexual reporter who willingly admits he's made mistakes..  but it's nothing.  same old garbage about how guckert and rove both bought their degrees from morton blackwell's leadership institute for about $50...like that would prove theyre in bed together."

mention of rove's name suddenly reminded me gannon hadnt returned from his interview.

i told the swifties i'd be in touch and was headed for rove's office when i heard someone mention the name 'gannon.' 

i stopped and had the shock of my life.  turns out that guckert also used the name 'jeff gannon". 

i took an oath to enforce the law but only when it didnt conflict with the 'blue wall'.  nothing good could come from this investigation. 

i went up to rove's office where i found my partner being briefed...well, actually, unbriefed by karl.  but that's another case. 

we drove back to headquarters

"hey joe, " gannon said as we were on our way, "you know kerry woulda been america's first gay president."

"yeah.  if bill clinton was the first black president, that would make sense."

"that's what i told em anyway," gannon said.

"gannon, " i smiled sardonicaly. "at least we can be sure of one thing."

"what's that, joe?"

"for nearly fifty years, i've had to come up with excuses to avoid going to your place to meet your wife and enjoy one of her homemade dinners.  i won't need to worry about that any more."

according to legend, president washington never told a lie.  nobody can accuse anyone who lives in washington--especially jeff gannon or james guckert or whatever his real name is--of that.

the story you have just read is the truth.  no names have been changed  cuz nobody's innocent.