fearlessly proclaiming the truth & the other truth! voice of the teknoshamanic institute
Bone Lovers and Bone Heads Join Forces
Published on December 24, 2004 By kingbee In Current Events

one of my sisters has had 3 rhodesian ridgebacks (also known as a 'lion hounds', because they were bred to hunt lions in south africa).  as noble and mighty as they may appear--and they are beautiful, big dogs--they have a tendency to be goofs when not on the veldt. 

just before one holiday dinner, someone foolishly placed a very large ham a little too close to the edge of the table.  the dog was innocently hanging around underfoot when the inevitable happened. the ham fell onto the floor, landing right in front of his front paws.  im not sure what was goin through his head...my feeling at the time was he immediately switched into protective mode but perhaps he just panicked.  in any event, he grabbed the ham in his jaws and tried to run off with it,   needless to say, that just attracted more unwanted attention and it was a few hours before the other humans got back to telling him how cute he was wearing those stupid reindeer antlers.

although i didnt notice it immediately, i eventually began to realize--during visits to her house subsequent to the big ham hijack attempt--the damn dog was doing something id never seen him do prior to that fateful dinner hour.  everytime my sister let him into the house, hed immediately head directly to the exact spot where the ham miracle had occured. he'd sniff around for a few moments (even tho it's highly unlikely there were even a few scattered ham molecules remaining at that point), then stand there waiting for a few more before goin back to normal dog biz. 

i cant prove it--altho ive since seen other dogs do exactly the same thing--but im pretty certain he believed that if one time meat fell from the sky and landed there, it could happen again. while it never did, he continued to check whenever he was let in for the rest of his doggy existence. 

too bad hes not still around because with that type of persistent focus, he surely would have had a successful career in management at the transportation security agency--those stalwart guardians of our nation's airports.

while the us government gradually works its way through a strategic slough of complexities, hoping to develop the most effective way to pick out the terrorists in the midst of millions of innocent air travelers, they've got at least one procedure down to an art.  if you've flown anywhere during the past couple years, you know what im talking about because youve had to remove your shoes so the nice tsa people can be sure you dont have a couple pounds of c4 molded to your soles ala richard reid, the notoriously unsuccessful (and equally goofy) 'shoe bomber'. 

despite the fact noone but reid has been apprehended with plastic explosive stuck to his or her shoes, untold millions of us have had to remove our shoes because the tsa is just as sure as my sister's dog about one thing: it happened once...and it could happen again. 

who knows?  maybe next time it will be someone who doesnt have to wait til he's in court to discover it's impossible to detonate c-4 with waterproof fireworks fuse.  hopefully hell also be dumb enough to try to hide the explosive in his shoes. 'hey is that plastic explosive in your pants?  or are you just happy to see me...still fixated on checking your shoes?


Comments
on Dec 24, 2004
Hi Kingbee,

I can totally picture the dog looking for ham everytime. I have 3 dogs and they do have an uncanny memory as do kids. My middle son found $20. one time by this phone booth and now everytime we go to the store where the phone booth is he checks for money. Ham miracles...you gotta love 'em!

I wish you and your family a happy holiday!

KellyW
on Dec 24, 2004

My middle son found $20. one time by this phone booth and now everytime we go to the store where the phone booth is he checks for money.

hey...did it have a picture of jackson on it?  cuz i lost one just like it while making a call...

thanks for the holiday wishes kellyw.  i hope you and yours enjoy yourselves immensely and that 2005 goes as well as possible for yall.   thanks for stopping by as well.