By PINWHEEL Q COELECANTH.  Easy to read Web version.    Whenever I orate or soliloquize at my Inspirational Speaking Engagements, I'm often distracted by a gaggling crowd of yokels, demanding I bestow some of my incredible WISDOM on them even though 999 out of 1000 times its totally wasted and my time would be better spent reclining on the giant round bed in my tour bus while a young woman i happened upon in East Walnut Pie, Nebraska demonstrates one more time how she got her nickname (sister twister). 

Nevertheless, one cant hope to trim the rubes, i mean motivate ones followers without giving back at least a portion of what they contribute to my pharmacalogical research fund...and besides what costs me less than my own advice? 

I recall one young scamp who, after doing a wonderful impression of what poets would term a 'boyfoot bear with teak of chan' (assuming they knew the old chestnut about the asian teak merchant who was continually burglarized by a renegade escapee from jellystone national park disguising his hind paws by wearing sandals the soles of which were designed to simulate human feet) posed the following query: 'how can i start out at the top and work my way down to the level of all the other human flotsam who hang on your every word?"

needless to say, i took umbrage at the callow brat's interogatory.  i vowed right then to give him the advice tendered to me by a local justice of the peace as he pocketed my end of a promotional enterprise involving some ersatz viagra. 

"Son", I said.  "You have it within you to become a wonderful specimen at any medical college in the Caribbean. All you need to do is donate yourself."