fearlessly proclaiming the truth & the other truth! voice of the teknoshamanic institute
i got da word from above
Published on October 25, 2007 By kingbee In Republican

those of us who don't wanna see the gop implode in 2008 have been holding our collective breath as prospective presidential nominees seek anointing as "chosen candidate" by the elders and high priests of the religious right as well as their legions of valuesvalent voters.

our concerns seem, so far anyway, validated by the fact not one amongst them has been deemed righteous except by comparison to hillary clinton. regarding mitt romney, bob jones university's most recent chancellor, bob jones iii (or iii as he's known to his closest disciples) asked: "What is the alternative, Hillary's lack of religion or an erroneous religion? As a Christian I am completely opposed to the doctrines of Mormonism but I'm not voting for a preacher."

last weekend's family research council straw poll revealed no savior nor much of anything except the obvious: mitt romney's supporters were more willing to 'donate' $1 each to vote for their candidate.  romney's victory provoked neither hosannas nor hallelujahs but only a resounding hush from the multitudes. 

according to former senator rick santorum, "None of these guys are running because they're social conservatives, They all have problems on these issues, and most of them aren't comfortable talking about them."

romney not only belongs to the wrong church, he came late to the anti-abortion table.  mccain and thompson showed their untrue colors by opposing an amendment to our constitution prohibiting same-sex marriages. although a southern baptist pastor (which would seem to make him the obvious sandal-in) arkansas governor mike huckabee is apparently not considered tough enough when it comes to crusading against islam and/or withholding from caesar by cutting taxes. 

then there's cross-dressing, queer-loving, divorce-happy rudi giuliani.

james dobson, who merely opposes mccain and thompson, vows to support a third-party candidate should giuliani wind up republican nominee. not to be outdone by dobson,  family research council head tony perkins prophesies a 'third party of the disengaged'  in that event.  asked if there was any way giuliani could get himself right, richard land, president of the southern baptist convention's ethics & religious liberty commission, suggested rudi publicly pledge support for the party's anti-abortion platform plank, to sign any bill that restricts the procedure and veto any attempt to loosen restrictions.

"That would do a lot to mitigate the damage for a lot of people" land allowed while conceding. "it wouldn't suffice for me."

(i've not mentioned ron paul because these days no authentic goldwater republican has a chance in hell of winning the republican nomination even if it didn't require him to get on his knees and kiss some clerical butt.)

despite all the weeping and gnashing of teeth, i say unto you...verily there is good news that has nothing at all to do with spending 15 minutes at geico.com.. 

two nights ago i was visited by a perplexing dream in which i wandered into a cave and discovered a man with 18 upper limbs each of which held a firearm.  i trembled in fear until a voice comforted me be not afraid for he is a long time member of the board and knoweth guns do not kill people.  i was then whisked to a city girdled by a belt of road on a stagnant river. i found myself in a great temple on a hill.  inside i saw an image of this same man which bore a number: 16.  shortly thereafter i saw a herd of cattle numbering 100 all but four of which passed by the image in good health.  yet a little while longer another herd passed by  but this time 85 of their number fell ill and expired.

when i awoke i was grievously wroth pondering the meaning of this dream.  after many hours of fruitless analysis, a loud voice roared in my ear directing me to browseth here (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Larry_Craig) and read carefully so all might be made clear. .

and behold i discovered a man who dwelleth in this land and whose career is anchored in family values.

 each of those 18 firearms symbolize the years he's served on NRA's board of directors.  the number 16?  he's held national office for 16 years.  those 96 healthy cattle represent his  96% approval rating by the american conservative union while the 15 surviving cattle from the second herd match the mere 15 points awarded his voting record by americans for democratic action

if this weren't enough, his name hath recently been on the lips of all those who dwell in our homeland.

a man called larry craig.

i'll admit it sounds crazy.  but then so does circumcision or turning your rod into a cobra by slamming it on the floor. so give this some thought before dismissing it outta hand. 

had he not been arrested recently, larry might very likely be a number 1 draft choice.  for that matter, who's to say he wasn't set up by evildoers intent on keeping him outta the race? i certainly am not gonna accuse larry of engaging in tearoom antics because it's something only he--and his maker--know for sure.  but worst case scenario, he had a momentary slip.  aren't yall always testifying about loving the sinner but not the sin?  how much different is that than voting for the sinner but not the sin? 

unlike us fish-belly heathens, you know homosexuality (there, i said it) is simply a choice.  gettin straight is merely a matter of a few months rehabilitation.  ted haggard is livin proof of that.  once again, i'm not making any rash (and very possibly ill-founded) allegations but if craig was tappin his toes in hopes of tappin the guy in the next stall but now realizes his error, he--and he alone among those in the values vanguard--could serve as a role model for and inspiration to those now mired in the dreaded 'downlow'.

i could go on and on...but i won't. if you wanna reject a clear sign from above, nothin i can say will soften your hearts.  so i'm not even gonna allude to the fact damn near everyone who can read or locate a tv news broadcast already knows larry craig is poised to be a president for all the people.  it's what's known as a 'wide stance'.

so all that's left is rounding off the ticket with a killer vp candidate. 

i'm not gonna claim to have been granted any visions here.  it ain't needed.

there is in this country a newly reborn christian who's uniquely qualified for the job.

first of all, he's a new convert to christianity.  he's an expert on the terrorist groups who hate us for our freedom. he's currently in a semi-undisclosed location and will remain there even if elected.  he's a man who won't think twice about blowing cia agent's cover should that be required---and i don't doubt for a second if you hand him a gun, he'll do his best to blast your face off. 

bearing in mind there'll never be another dick like cheney, i give you the next best thing (even though he may not have a lesbian daughter): brothers and sisters...the one, the only... youseff ramzi.


Comments (Page 1)
2 Pages1 2 
on Oct 25, 2007

dammit i totally forgot one of the most important advantages of a craig/ramzi ticket.

unlike typical elected officials whose involvement with the justice system begins on their way out of office, both larry and youseff have already acquired intimate real life first-hand personal experience with judges. 

it seems likely the next president will have an opportunity to appoint at least one supreme court justice.  why leave such an important task to someone who either plays the part of a prosecutor on tv or is one of his fans?  yeah we could do worse than judge joe brown or judge mathis and very likely will should the next president have to fill three vacancies on the court.

on Oct 25, 2007
With the field so far I was thinking of digging up the great communicator and propping him up and playing some of his better speeches in the background, with make-up being what it is, and his resurrection bringing the religious right firmly into the fold, we would have a sure winner.
on Oct 25, 2007
How can any author who does not write with proper grammar (capital letters and punctuation) have an article as a featured article? I think this mullifies the points made in the article and reflects bad on joeuser.

on Oct 25, 2007
Points are definitely mullified and reflected bad on joeuser.
on Oct 25, 2007
(Citizen)JythierOctober 25, 2007 17:32:17


Points are definitely mullified and reflected bad on joeuser.


Don't you just love it when a spelling Nazi comes and points out mistakes someone else makes and then goes and makes spelling errors himself?
on Oct 25, 2007
How can any author who does not write with proper grammar (capital letters and punctuation) have an article as a featured article?


Says the man who can't even spell "dialogue".
on Oct 25, 2007
Don't you just love it when a spelling Nazi comes and points out mistakes someone else makes and then goes and makes spelling errors himself?


I'll admit I'm an ass about people's spelling, but only because I make sure mine is RIGHT. EVERY TIME.
on Oct 25, 2007
Whenever I have a "Spell Check" I roll a twenty.
on Oct 26, 2007
Enjoyed this one, kb. Thanks.
on Oct 26, 2007
digging up the great communicator and propping him up and playing some of his better speeches in the background


why limit him to past speeches? bring in his surviving speechwriters to create some new material. find a voice double to record em. turn everything over to those guys at disney who ressurected honest abe and it'll be like one of them butter vs margarine commercials in which no one seemed able to tell which was the real thing. especially if they can also whip up a 'nancy' to coach from the sidelines (yeah, i know it wouldn't really be necessary anymore but those are the kinda details people remember.)
on Oct 26, 2007
Enjoyed this one, kb. Thanks.


mission accomplished then.

i prolly shouldn't admit this but...it seems to me more viable as time passes.

(good seein you're still around. i haven't been able to spend much time here myself which may explain why i haven't run across you recently, but i have been hopin to do so.)
on Oct 26, 2007
(Citizen)little-whipOctober 25, 2007 06:51:13


  


can't ask for much more. a smile is as good as...umm...a wink to that horse you can drag to water but from which you can't take the country.
on Oct 26, 2007
I think this mullifies the points made in the article and reflects bad on joeuser


mullification with extenuating circumstances (demeaning or diminishing ju's reputation) seems to me far too serious an issue to deal with hastily. since i'm already late for several appointments, i've no choice but to impose upon yall's patience and goodwill. you have my word i'll respond as soon as possible.
on Oct 27, 2007
this mullifies the points made in the article and reflects bad on joeuser


reflects badly too.

i'm atta loss for words here.

outta shame for having so grievously underestimated jessedelesma. there's no mitigation here even tho nothing he's written and i've read would have provided the slightest hint of his amazing scholarship.

until today if i'd been told he owned a copy of james joyce's opus, 'finnegan's wake' i would have cruelly suggested he used it solely to level his doublewide.

i've been very deservedly called to task by any number of brilliant people for any number of reasons. combined and multiplied by 10, none comes close to an accusation of 'mullification' which carries such weight since it demonstrates beyond all doubt an understanding of joyce so complete it's beyond my comprehension.

it's almost as if joyce is staring at me, unsure if we are truly members of the same species. though visibly disgusted by my intellectual failings, he's unwilling to write me off completely. we both know i'm unable to truly mullify and it's painful beyond description for both of us.

you needn't endure a second more of my deplorable blathering. here's the passage. judge for yourselves.

Well, ladies upon gentlermen and toastmaster general, let us, brindising
brandisong, woo and win womenlong with health to rich
vineyards, Erin go Dry! Amingst the living waters of, the living in
giving waters of. Tight ! Loose ! A stiff one for Staffetta mullified
with creams of hourmony, the coupe that's chill for jackless jill and
a filiform dhouche on Doris! Esterelles, be not on your weeping what though Shaunathaun is in his fail! To stir up love's young fizz I tilt with this bridle's cup champagne, dimming douce from her peepair of hideseeks,
tightsqueezed on my snowybrusted and while my pearlies in their sparkling wisdom
are nippling her bubblets I swear (and let you swear!) by the bumper round of my
poor old snaggletooth's solidbowel I ne'er will prove I'm untrue to your liking
(theare!) so long as my hole looks. Down.

So gullaby, me poor Isley!


--finnegans wake:
part:3 episode:13 page:462
on Oct 27, 2007
G-d I do love it when yer being pissy KB and putting someone in their proper place.
2 Pages1 2