and you thought they were airheads
about 2 weeks ago, i began receiving spam pushing a new scam. usually the subject heading reads something like: experts predict voting machine stock is a sure winner. i rarely do more with obvious spam than delete it unread but curiosity finally overcame common sense and i decided to see what they were selling.
i truly could not have been more shocked to discover the originators were the olsen twins of the whitehouse...jenna and barbara bush
here is the text of their pitch
our names are jenna and barbara bush and our daddy is the president of america.
he was elected a long time ago when we still needed fake ids. so you might not remember the big fuss about who won. if it wasnt for uncle jeb's voting machines and the supreme court, dad would have been so sad. (those court guys must really have hated school just like daddy cuz he kept yelling yahoo i knew principals didnt mean sh_t to them) our uncle jeb still has some of his magic voting machines but theyre only in miami which is the name of his state.. those machines work okay but there are much better ones. the same kind used in iraq when that poophead saddam hussein won his last election. we need to use them here cuz all those stupid people who dont want to vote for daddy? well guess what? these machines make all their votes go for him anyway and they wont ever know!.
the problem is these good machines are far away in one of those countries in africa. we don't know how to spell its name but its that purple country if you have the same kind of map.
we need you to help us get them here before voting season. we have plenty of time cuz that's not til almost next year just like thanksgiving.
nobody has to go to africa tho (YAY!!!!) dads friend mr lay figured it all out. he helped us like start a new company so we can pay some natives to load them on a ship and send them to blue states. that's what they call places full of dumb people who didnt vote for daddy last time.
that's why we sent you this email.
first we have to get some bucks. our daddy always says the secret to a successful company is other peoples money. we still dont know for sure how this works but mr lay says its easy. just ask peeps to invest (that means give us money). and tell them they get all their money back plus even more money. uncle dick and mr lay and well just about everyone says daddy already helped out because he made a law that means the more money you give us (this is from the bible too) the more money you can get back. and if you get a lot of money back, you dont even have to pay taxes. if you dont get any money back you dont pay taxes either!.
so this is a GOOD deal for everyone
to make it even more fun, the people who give us the most money can chill with us at the club.
theres no worries that this wont work. and here's something really funny. those voting machines are in the same country where daddy got the anti-viagra pills for all the boys in our class who were pigheads and wouldnt sign up to be no-sex promisekeepers. that was soooo funny cuz them boys thought they was taking viagra but their things stopped working no matter how much we teased them. them pills even work on secret service guys. lmfao!
so just send your credit card number or use paypal. our email address is (uncle jeb says this is funny but we dont get it) hangingchad@nullifytheirvote.com