yall got no idea how badly i wish i'd not permitted myself to be distracted a few weeks ago and actually managed at that time to have checked out the grand ayatollah al-sistani's website as i'd been planning to do.  if i had, this article would have appeared sooner...and i could say proudly i'd tripped over the shia version of 'dear abby' without anyone's assistance.

as it is, i forgot about it til last friday night when i was reminded (in a most delightful way) by bill maher who is clearly much better focused than i.

with that outta the way, let me dispense a little advice of my own: all major religious and political figures need to follow sistani's lead.  the rest of us have thousands of unanswered questions and a great unsatisfied need to be entertained.  i'm fairly sure you'll agree when (if isnt an option here...you really gotta check this out for yourself) you follow this link Link.

based on the recent blogger poll, i'm a tiny bit concerned some of you are already wondering to what kinda smart(ass) uber-liberal trap am i--solely outta meanness--trying to lure those hapless fools who actually read this stuff or the unwitting innocents who act on it.

not to worry.

in order to allay your not wholly unjustified trepidation, i've taken the liberty of helping to 'spread the good word' by quoting a sampling of what people 'ask al-sistani' and the responses* they receive: 

* * *

Question:If my wife wants me to masturbate in front of her, is it then allowed?

Answer:You are not allowed to do it with hand, but your wife is.

note from kb: keep your hands clean...you never know when you might meet someone with whom it's permissible to shake hands. 


Question:Are shaking of hands with girls allowed?

Answer:It is not permissible.

note from kb: yeah, think about where them hands have been and what they've been doing

Question:Is oral sex by husband or wife allowed?

Answer:It is permissible provided no liquid out swallowed.

note from kb: how bout just a lil sloshin around...like at a wine tasting?   seriously there seems to be a great deal of confusion bout oral sex...

Question:I want to know the ruling on oral sex?

Answer:It is obligatory precaution not permissible; it's very disgust if she agrees

note from kb: that should clear things up.  


preface by kb: i was elated to see something relevant to my life--a category called 'chat between male and female' 

Question:I want to ask about talking to ones fiancee on telephone, is it permissible or not?

Answer:If talking is free of provocative words and if there is no fear of falling in sin, there is no objection.

note from kb: yeah well..um...no sense having a hands-free phone anyway i guess.


Question:Is it permissible to keep a dog? If not why please explain?

Answer:It is permissible, but it is Najis.

note from kb: najis = expensive?  a hassle?  prolly not.  another dog question (sorta) follows

* * *

for the rest, you'll have to visit the sistani.org site yourself (far be it from me to overstep the 'fair use' provision and wind up in 'fair abuse' which requires a wife).

* according to the disclaimer on the 'dear grand ayatollah' opening page, 'all istifta answers will bear seal of the office of grand ayatollah uzma sistani"  so only the opinions identified as my own are to be considered blasphemous or incorrect.